Thursday, February 25, 2010
Today, I feel as though I got hit by a ton of bricks. Those bricks would be the things that are weighing me down, creating so much exhaustion in my life. With these bricks come things such as confusion, disappointment, and discouragement. I realized today that I have been trying my hardest to fight for my own heart, to fight for my own well- being. I learned the hard way, that I am not capable to do so. I heard this analogy that through the years everything that hurts us or causes us grief can build up around us to make one huge air balloon. One thing happens and the balloon gets bigger, the next thing comes along and it gets even bigger to the point where it will surely pop if one other thing hits you the wrong way. It's a balloon of denial and not wanting to deal with the hurt. That is why God decides to give us days to let out some helium, to heal our hearts in those broken places. Man, it is painful. It's the kind of day that you never want to face, but when its all said and done there is peace and healing for the broken hearts. Today is God's day for me to let out some helium. He has brought my attention to many things dating back to when I was in 3rd grade that I haven't quite dealt with yet. Wow, 3rd grade. He has shown me that sometimes he allows us to go on our merry way and try to fix our own problems and guard our own hearts so that we may see we can't do it, we need Him. We are merely human. He has placed people in my life to offer up encouragement and really, honestly tell me the next step. That next step is healing. I need to heal from all the hurt I have felt since the 3rd grade up to the past 3 months. He has been healing me little by little, but sometimes we all need those helium days to open up our eyes to things we may be missing. At the other side of this helium day is rest, so I don't have to wear myself out day by day guarding my heart and mind. He has got that all covered. I must trust, I must be still and know that He is God. Brokenness is good. It's time to heal.